You say hermit like it’s a bad thing…

With the current Cov-19 pandemic / London lockdown going on, it got me thinking about how many people are probably stuck inside around about now who might be bored and enjoy reading blog posts about stuff I have been meaning to write about.

Only… I haven’t. Because procrastination is my own particular disease.

So, how has your favourite blogger been coping in the heart of London while the world is gripped by this global health crisis?

To be honest, although this whole experience has been harrowing and scary and has turned the city into some form of post-apocalyptic scene with people furtively shuffling from pillar to post wearing face masks and surgical gloves… those hermit-level introverts such as myself are really rocking the stay at home / don’t even think about going out state of affairs. Social distancing is more a credo than a recent way of life for us.

Mr Maybe on the other hand is an extrovert / social butterfly and (although called into the office daily) is chewing the walls with boredom because he has been cut off from going to the local pub etc. He enjoys meeting people, rubbing shoulders and doing all of those intolerable things I (in comparison) have to be forced kicking and screaming to do. I prefer solitary endeavours like reading, writing, playing the guitar (by myself and alone so nobody can hear me), hanging out with my hamster, reorganising the spice rack and keeping things in the flat neat and trim. I am basically a living, breathing Woody Allen character. Who knew it would serve me so well? I feel almost zen-like wandering around the flat in my kimono while lighting candles and doing yoga.

One thing is for sure, I have seen some crazy shit during this COV-19 crisis. Amazing acts of kindness, acts of supreme stupidity and some things so bizarre that they make you wonder if you just hallucinated.

For example – confused to discover that last night the local Tesco metro was broken into and looted. I had to go get some essentials and know from personal experience that the shelves had already been picked clean of everything from loo roll to alcohol to Maggie seasoning… With that in mind, purely from a criminal mastermind point of view I’m not sure what they were aiming for. Especially as there was a fully stocked organic fruit and vegetable shop opposite the road. But I guess they weren’t exactly making good decisions that day anyway so it’s best not to overthink it.

One source of entertainment during my self imposed confinement has been the online messaging board for our apartment building. This was a thing before the pandemic and has recently exploded into a hive of activity. It’s currently awash with passive aggressive notes, social justice warriors giving their sixpence worth and the occasional sweetheart offering to do grocery runs for the elderly. The latest gripe has been aimed at runners “huffing, puffing, sweating and spitting” all over the place. After reading that scathing observation and taking a closer look (from the safety of my ground floor flat) I can see how runners could appear to be potential carrier monkeys of disease and death in this “current climate.” Especially when they come up behind people at close proximity on pavements. It’s enough to make you scream and spray them in the face with dettol. I’m pretty sure social distancing means social distancing. More so if you are sweating your balls off and drenching everyone and thing you pass by in various fluids the middle of a pandemic. This is Hampstead heath dear not the olympics – calm down.

Considering the level of this crisis it’s amazing how selfish / disgusting some people can be.

Personally, two such “ew-are-you-fucking-kidding-me” moments happened recently. One from a visit to a greengrocer and the other weeks after my last trip to a well known supermarket.

The first incident occurred after my greengrocers had been shut down due the virus. I still wanted to support small business so I found another family run small store. Everything seemed to be going okay until I went to the till and the person behind the counter (mid handling my vege) sneezed directly into his hand and without washing or sanitising continued handling my greens behind the till. It wasn’t even a dry sneeze – it was wet. So wet that he licked his lips.

Um, no.

I apologised, said that I would no longer be taking anything and walked out of the store to various grumbles from the owners thrown in my direction.

The second instance was after Mr Maybe and I did a huge shop (we were almost out of everything and so it was an absolute must) only to discover weeks afterwards that on opening a jar of peanut butter… someone had broken the seal on the jar and scooped their finger into it. Initially I assumed it was Mr Maybe messing with me but when I asked he swore it wasn’t. So… some disgusting approximation of a human being had opened a jar of peanut butter, scooped their finger inside, taken some peanut butter and put the jar back.

During a pandemic.

This was obviously horrifying. Who knows what else that person had contaminated at the supermarket? I know that a while back a bunch of morons were opening products like ice cream, licking them and putting them back for someone else to unknowingly purchase and consume… but – are you kidding me?

During a pandemic(?)

… and my mother wonders why I don’t like going outside.

If you need me, I will be indoors

Potentially indefinitely

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